Crawfish Jesus: Our Salvation from Astronomical Crawfish Prices

He boiled for our weekend.

Every parish has one.

The guy who never misses a duck hunt, works three jobs, shows up in waders to church, and somehow knows a guy who knows a guy when no one else can find what you need.

For us, his name was Garrett.

But around here, we call him something else now.

Crawfish Jesus.

The Boil That Almost Wasn’t

It was Easter weekend.

We had everything lined up:

✔️ A backyard

✔️ A pot

✔️ Cold beer

✔️ A very healthy amount of girls who said they’d “swing by for a plate”

The only thing missing?

The crawfish.

We called every pond, every seafood joint, every back-of-the-truck guy in town.

Nothing but sky-high prices and folks laughing at the idea of selling even a sack.

At one point, someone offered us a half-sack for $4.89 a pound — and said we’d be lucky.

Hope was gone.

The beer was sweating.

And the group chat was dying.

Then came Gary.

The Man. The Miracle. The Mudbugs.

Garrett — a full-blooded coonass if there ever was one — shows up like it’s a Tuesday afternoon and says:

> “Y’all need crawfish?”

No stress. No drama.

He didn’t just find crawfish — he brought sacks, fresh off the farm where he worked.

Price?

$0.99 per pound.

On Easter weekend.

When the rest of the state was taking out personal loans just to smell a boil.

He didn’t ask for a dollar over cost.

Didn’t brag. Didn’t boast.

Just dropped the sacks off, cracked a beer, and said,

> “Y’all better not overcook these, or Jesus won’t save you again.”

And he meant it.

Every Town Has a Crawfish Jesus

He might not be named Gary where you're from.

Maybe it’s Tee Boy, Dwayne, or Big Gerald who shows up when it matters most.

But if you’ve ever planned a boil on faith and found yourself saved at the last second by a guy with a dip net and divine connections — you’ve met Crawfish Jesus too.

He’s the reason boils happen.

The reason weekends are salvaged.

The reason we still believe in $0.99/pound, even when the market says otherwise.

In Gary We Trust

So here’s to you, Crawfish Jesus.

Patron saint of the spring boil.

Deliverer of tail meat and boiled mercy.

Breaker of high prices, and bringer of perfectly purged glory.

We don’t just thank you.

We worship the boil you saved.

Amen.