Oh No… I Forgot My Tab at Fred’s on the River. What Do I Do?!

You’ve made the list. Now you have choices.

It happened. You checked Facebook, saw that iconic post from Fred’s on the River, and there it is — your name. In all-caps. Sandwiched between a couple cousins and someone you’re pretty sure got married in the parking lot last spring.

You, my friend, have left an unpaid tab at Fred’s.

It’s not just a financial mishap. It’s a community event.

So what now?

Don’t panic (or do — that’s valid). We’ve compiled your official list of options:

🧊 Option 1: Change Your Name and Move to Alaska

It’s cold. It’s remote. No one will ask about your Fred’s tab there.

Just remember to tell your grandma why you’re missing every family function for the next 25 years.

🧾 Option 2: Refute the Charges (Not Recommended)

You could walk in and say, “That wasn’t me.”But this is Fred’s. They remember everything. The bartender knows what you wore, what you drank, who you danced with, and what bad decisions you made before closing time.

This ain’t court. It’s tighter.

🥸 Option 3: Send a Friend In to Pay It "Anonymously"

Classic small-town tactic. You Venmo someone $48.73 and make them walk in and say, “This is for… uh… a friend.”No one believes it, but hey, technically the debt is paid. Pride remains intact-ish.

🎤 Option 4: Turn It Into a Bit

Own it. Screenshot it. Post:

“Just trying to keep local traditions alive. Support small businesses. I’ll be there Saturday with cash and shame.”

You’ll get laughs. You’ll get likes.

And the bartender might pour you something for the road (after you pay).

💰 Option 5: Go In, Pay It, Tip Big, Leave Like a Legend

This is the cleanest, classiest, and most boring option — but also the one that ensures you’re welcome back at Fred’s (and not added to next month’s list again).

Pro tip: tip heavy. Maybe don’t drink a “Yellow Hammer with three extra shots” this time. Maybe just start with a beer.

🚨 Option 6: Ignore It and Let Your Name Live Forever

There’s a chance this is already your fourth appearance. At that point, your unpaid tab might qualify for framing. Like a jersey in the rafters, but sticky and sad.

Legacy? Yes.

Legal? Technically.

Shameful? Only to your mama.

Final Thoughts

Forgetting your tab at Fred’s isn’t a felony — it’s a rite of passage.Just don’t make it a habit. Unless you want your wedding rehearsal dinner catered in IOUs.

Fred’s forgives.

The internet? Not so much.